Weakness To Strengths

My goal in life is not to have any fear when I get older, that way I can make it through life easy and can enjoy what is given to me. I am not afraid of bugs, death, old age, bullies, school, violence, and myself. Within my life I only have two fears, it used to be three but that changed. The one fear that I was able to get rid of was being afraid of the dark but then I finally got over my fear and now I can walk outside in the dark. The way I was able to concern my fear was facing it and be in the dark alone, also without the help of my friend showing me that there is nothing dangerous about the dark. The other two fears that I have are snakes and falling for the special someone. I really hate snakes, but it’s a funny thing because I never use to be afraid when I was little. Just thinking back I petted a snake when I was little and I was not scared and I held the snake in my hand. But since I’ve grown up I gotten to be more scared of snakes, I think it’s because I always get attack by one when I go home. I use to be really scared that if I heard a snake on the TV. Or see on I jumped on the couch and will not touch the ground of hours until I felt safe. But now that I want to get rid of my fear I was able to tone it down a little and now I can see one, but I still get spook by it. Then the third fear its falling for someone. I told my boyfriend about this and he said that he was scared too but it’s not stopping him to love me even more. The only reason I am afraid to fall in love with someone is because in my past relationships I get hurt and it gets worst every time, but I do hope that the relationship that I am in now is different and I will learn how to love and I will give it my all. But then it is really different then my past relationships because for one he respects m, loves me for me, cares for me, and most important he actually treats me like a girlfriend. Overall I well get all of my fears out of the way, and then I will happy to live my life to the fullest.  

Danzig

I have to be honest I love Danzig, he was the main reason why I got really into rock music. I mean I was into it like I listen to metallic and guns-n-roses, but after I started listening to Danzig I got into other music like bullet for my valentine, butcher babies, Texas hippie collaboration, trivium, slipknot, ACDC, Korn, evanescence, disturbed, and the list goes on. The more I got into the rock music I liked it more and more. Then from there, it got me thinking that if I was going to go to my first rock concert I would want to see Danzig. Another to be honest I had a crush on Danzig, I just like his voice when he sing especially when he sings “How the gods kill”, “mother”, “I am demon”, “dirty black summer”, and “twist of chains”.  When I was looking up concerts for Danzig I found out that he was going to sing 30mins away from where I live and so I made last minute plans and went to go see him in concert. I got to admit I enjoyed my time there and also I got to see Doyle which was a plus for me. Also not to mention that I got into my first mosh pit and that was fun, let all my anger out and laugh with people and made some made at me. The experience I had that night was amazing I mean it was worth the money I spent because he sang 3 more hours extra and the concert did not end until 3:00 am. But overall I had fun and I got to see Danzig in person and other amazing band that rocked the hell out of building.

(And I know that the concert did not allow people to take a picture but hell it was my first experience.)

High Step In Life

In my third year of college I finally decided to try out for the Miss Native NMSU Pageant. Throughout the week I had to attend a lot of events and I had to miss some of my classes. Luckily it did not get in a way of me doing my homework because I was already 2 weeks ahead of my class work in each class. On Monday I had to meet & greet everyone on campus and had to attend an open pray, then that night I had to ask some questions that the people or students had on campus so they can get to know me better as a contestant. On Tuesday I have to attend a American Indian Traditional Dance, Wednesday I then had to attend a comedy night with Jamies and Erine (Native American Comedian) and I also spent 5 hours serving Indian Tacos out to the students and the best part was that it was free, so I had to do a lot of work. Then on Thursday was a DJ dance. Finally on Friday it was the big day of the pageant I had to compete against two other beautiful young ladies, which I became close friends with. That Friday night was nerve wreaking, I was nervous and excited but over all I enjoyed every moment. On Friday night we had to answer 2 questions (one being why I want to be Miss Native NMSU, and the second was how will it be benefited in my school and experience), then it was our traditional talents, next was another question (randomly asked), then the crowning of the new Miss Native NMSU.
             

For my traditional talent I did something every unique, it was very unique that throughout the final school year everyone kept asking me questions and asked where I learned it from. But my traditional talent was about the hand, and what it represents in the Native American Culture along with other fun facts that relate to my topic. By the end of the pageant it was time to see who won the title but unfortunately I did not win. Overall I got what I really wanted from the pageant and that was being able to gain my confidence in myself to speak in front of others, making new friends, learning other cultures, being friendly to newer people, being able not to be shy, and the most important thing was being able to be proud of where I come from and what tribe I am. Also I was able to make my family proud and brought joy to my mom that I can still have courage, and my sister believing in me and supporting me, and my dad well he was happy that I got to wear my traditional outfit for a whole week in class and he was also proud of me that I still know my culture. 

Ashkii My Brother

Some people would think that it would be weird to call their pet, their brother. As for me I do not think it was weird at all because I never had a brother, I only had one older sister and we have our fun sister bonds but sometimes we both wish for a brother but that did not happen. So instead we got a puppy and we decided to call him Ashkii, and it met boy in Navajo. From the time we got him we took care of him like a close family member and he was on spoiled puppy, but we all didn’t mind. Ashkii was the most amazing dog I’ve ever owned in my life because he liked to play a lot and I mean a lot, he had a lot of toys we bought him. But since he liked to play a lot we thought it would be cool to teach him some tricks so I ended up teaching him to fetch within 3 weeks, we also taught him how to stay in one place, and then we were trying to teach him how to roll over, and he can jump very high for a small dog. Also the family and I would take him with us everywhere and I mean everywhere. We took him to town, to rodeos, and he enjoyed them long travels with us.

The family and I could never be so happy with our dog for the past 3 years, until one day it became a nightmare. It was a nightmare because we didn’t get to say good bye, because my sister and I were working out of state and our puppy ended up dying while we were gone for the summer. It was very sad because we felt like we lost a family member and we all cried because Ashkii was no dog or little puppy he was our brother, our little baby of the family. It hurt my mom, my sister, and my dad, including myself. It’s been 11 months since our Ashkii died, but there is not a moment that we all do not think of him. For example when I drive back home I keep thinking that he is laying in the back seat of my car as I drive, or when I come home I keep thinking that I well get a welcome home greeting from my brother. (tear). As for my mother and sister they were said because they did not have one picture of our puppy, and I was the only one who took a lot of pictures. So last Christmas I bought a collage picture frame and put Ashkii pictures in them, and when my mom and sister open their presents they cried so much as well as my dad.

Yes I miss my dog, and the other pet that we have owned. Thinking about it with all the animals that we had which were dogs, sheep’s, and horses we treated them like family and we all think about them. In the end we all miss our Ashkii, and we loved him dearly along with the past animals we owned (some died, some were stolen, some were sold, and some went missing).

Third Is A Charm

As you all know I have experience a bad relationship and over the months that has passed since then I was able to gain a lot of confidence in myself and heal my heart back up. Also no to mention that I am seeing someone and to be honest I never thought I could see myself this happy. It was a shock for me also because I am able to find someone who accepts me for me, and not change anything about my personality or futures. If it is one thing that I am sure about is that he is the one boyfriend I've been dreaming of and that’s having his support in anything that I do, encouraging, and someone who can turn my day around by making me smile. But I do enjoy our time playing Black Ops 2,  and playing 1 vs.1 which I got to admit it was sweet of him to let me get rid of the guns I hated when we played the “gun game”, but I own his butt on “sticks and stones”. Overall I am glad to have him in my life, even though we pick on each other a lot and take pictures of each other while we sleep it’s the type of relationship I've been hoping to find because I would rather be comfortable to be myself around him and vice versa. I’m happy that I found love again. 

Newbie Gamer

As you all know, I like to play Video games. (Just to mention it now "WhirlingTomb" is not my gamer tag name, it is my friend account and his system and please do NOT go and add him, HOWEVER I do plan on getting my own system so I can play anytime I want.) The one game that I do really enjoy is Call of Duty: Black Ops 2. I really like this game because it gets me the killing time and I got to play with other groups online. Online I meet a lot of rude people, nice people, sex’s people, jerks, and the list goes on. The people or group that I play with online are really good and their level of skill is up there, I also play with a Native American Group and other Groups most of the time we joke around or we play just to play. I'm considered a “newbie” because I just started playing a year ago and I enjoyed it ever since, plus my skills are not at an expert level. Overall I do enjoy it because it took things off my mind like school, family drama, and ex-boyfriend problems at the time. As months pass by I got really good at playing BO2, and from there with the type of friends I have they introduce me to new games and some old ones like Modern Warfare, Black Ops 2, Battle Field, Assassins Creed, Hunting Game, NCAA Football, Dance Central, Injustice: Gods Among Us, Ryse: Son of Rome, Titan Fall, Mortal Kombat, and many other games they make me play with them to unlock achievements and to past time. 

*With the Four Pictures that is provided below, it shows how I increase my level of gaming (but I die a lot). 

Killer Moments

Navajo Prep. Varsity #44 - Home 

Everyone has that one sport or on event that they enjoyed a lot in life, and my sport was basketball. Basketball took me places I never thought I could go and it made me a lot of friends and most important it was a life lesson for me. I've been playing basketball for 12 years, and with the 12 years I've been playing there was a lot of ups and downs that has happen for me. And after all the years I've been playing I hardly play any basketball because of one fear.But what got me interested in basketball, when I was little girl I remember that my older sister took me to the park and started doing all these fancy moves and me had no skills what so ever but somehow I manage to steal the ball away from my sister, and I remember my sister shock face of the impossible I have done (but then I think she did that to make me feel good about myself). That was the day I have decided that was going play basketball, so I tried out for my 4^th grade and made it and ever since then I've been playing in middle school and throughout high school. But ever since I started playing I was picked first five and captain, to me I was really proud to be first five but then I think it was because I was taller than most girls that I played against. And when i started playing over the summer, my main goal was to get MVP (Most Valuable Player). It was my goal because i always got all tourney and sportsmanship award, but guess what I got MVP and I was awarded with 2 jackets, a shirt, and a woman basketball (I gave a jacket to my dad because he drove me 4 hours to my tournament and supporting me). But with all the tournaments I hit up, I traveled far and got to go places and meet wonderful people who gave me advice and gave me good complements. From growing each summer I get offers to play for another team and I did, I took them opportunities and made the most of them. 

(District Champs)

(N.A.B.I. basketball tournament) 

When I started playing at the high school level I practiced 4 hours a day. (2 hours of girls practice and then another 2 hours practicing with the boys), when I practiced with the boys I was happy that the coach let me run with them but he said that, “if you start then you have to finish with us.”, and so I did. Also not to mention that I transfer schools right after middle school, I transfer to Navajo Preparatory School Inc., and it was fun to play against some of my old friend because we always goof off on the court. As the years pasted on the time really speed up because in one blink it was my senior year and I was excited for basketball season because my goal was to get a basketball scholarship and finish off with a big bang.

But unfortunately I could not fulfill my dreams that I planned since I was a little girl, because I ended up dislocating my knee in the beginning of the season, and from their I had no playing time and I was resting up not thinking it could be that bad. Well after begging  my doctor for a release form, and I mean I begged him to sign the form saying it was okay for me to play again. Once I got the release forms I was back in gear I was winning some games and I was enjoying my senior year. But hopes crash of finishing again, because this time ended up dislocating my knee again and this time it was worst. It was worst this time that I ended up getting surgery, I tore my MCL (Medial Collateral Ligament) and I also ended up losing 10% of my knee cap.

(Left knee)

After my knee surgery I went into denial, I just felt sorry for myself and I didn't want to do anything anymore I felt like my world has ended. It got really bad to here I did not want to believe in god no more and I was eating, but from my poor choices I got chubby and hurt my family from it. But at the end of senior year I have not played basketball but I did said sorry to my parents for how I been acting and I did ask god for forgiveness. Then when I went to college I was asked to play basketball for an intramural team and I was hesitant to play because I was scared that I was going to mess up knee again or even hurt my right side of my knee, but then I change my mind because I miss playing a sport that brought happiness to my life so I got over my fear for the game and well to be honest I did pretty damn good job because I was posting up and did my moves, and won some games. But that moment I was playing I felt the happiness on the inside of me enjoying what I use to love and forgot my problems.

Overall I am still afraid to mess up my knee again but I am planning to get back into shape and play basketball again and re-earn my nick name aka Beast (I got the name Beast because I was not nice and I was rough with other players at the bottom). In the mean time I will keep it safe and wear my knee brace, and my goal is to be better than I was in high school. 

Notification:

Later on today May 1, 2014. I will be posting 4 more blogs and one of the stories will be longer because it is something that i have experience and I thought I would share my story from start to ending. But i do hope you guy enjoy my blogs. Thank You for you time. :)